The Joys of Literacy Part 2

A few nights ago we caught Noah distributing the kids evening vitamins. Which was weird because they have a child proof cap on them...

He looked at us like we were total morons, "It said right here. Push. Then turn." The "DUH!" was clearly implied...

Huh. So I guess childproof caps are only designed to stop illiterate children. That seems like a design flaw to me...

Happy Birthday Noah!

More of the Same

Tess: Look! A new princess!

Noah: She's not a princess.

T: Yes she is!

N: No.

Mom turns around to see what we're bickering about now: Who?

M: Yes she is. That's Snow White. She's a princess.

T: See!

N: Yeah. An ugly princess.

Crushes

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Earlier this week I overheard Noah and a girl from his class talking about another girl from his class, and they were talking about how Noah had a crush on her.

I brought it up with Noah at dinner, asking who the girl was. He told me that he had a crush on 'Jenny' from his class. We asked him, why do you have a crush on her? His answer? She's really mean. "Noah, do you know what a crush is?" "Uh, what's a crush?" "When you like a girl a lot and think you might fall in love with her." "Oh, then I don't have a crush on Jenny. I have a crush on 'Jessica.'" Aubrey then said, "Ooh, I know her, that's good. She's adorable."

Then, while we were circling the parking lot at WalMart earlier tonight, we drove past a Pontiac Solstice a couple of times. Noah shouted out, "Oh man, that car is HOT!" Tess asked, "What does that mean?" I said, "It means he thinks the car is stolen." "No Dad, it's hot, like when a girl is mean. You know, cruel? Crrruuueellll? You know, like when she has a fancy dress and a nice car?"

He's probably heard this song one too many times:

You can't make this stuff up.

Rubbing Off On Me

A few weeks ago, Noah and I had a little argument over whether Bumblebee was a Camaro or a Mustang. He was convinced that he was a Mustang. And when I pointed out a yellow Camaro, he responded that it was a Mustang, his teacher said so.

So for the past few weeks, I've made it a priority to point out any Mustangs and Camaros to the kid as we drive around. I've helped him and the other kids to see the differences between them, pointing out the difference between the horse and the bowtie, the 3 vertical bar taillights and the 4 upside-down trapezoid taillights. And lately, whenever I see one of the cars, I just ask the kids, "What car is that?"

Confusion still runs rampant. For Tess, ANY car with 4 taillights, including buses, trucks, and minivans, are Camaros. Still, I continue undaunted, looking for and pointing out Camaros and Mustangs whenever I notice them, and getting argued with by kids that disagree.

Last week we were loading the groceries at Walmart when right near us, a beautiful maroon 67 Camaro pulled in. I said to Noah, "Now THAT is a Mustang! I mean a Camaro." as Aubrey cracked up instantly.

Advice on How to Have a Happy Family

Tonight while driving home from T-Ball, Noah let me in on a few secrets:

1) I'm the meanest Dad ever.

2) I'm poor.

3) There's never any food to eat around here.

4) Things will get better around here once Mom kicks me out and gets a real job.

5) Mom is either going to kick me out, or be mad at me FOREVER.

6) Then she'll marry someone else. Maybe he'll have more money.

What prompted this advice? I didn't let him play at the playground after practice since he was grounded for mouthing off to his teacher at school.

Breaking My Heart

It rained most of the day today, and since we knew it was going to rain I told Noah I would pick him up instead of making him walk home. It was cold and windy and rainy and I was glad I was there to get him...I watched Andi and Dylan walk down the little path to the gate but still hadn't seen Noah when they got in the car. Andi told me Noah had started walking. Great, just great.

I dropped them off and headed home and saw Noah a few houses up from our street. As soon as he opened the door he said, "I know. I forgot."

When we got home there was a message on the answering machine that almost made me cry (dang pregnancy hormones). The poor kid called to see if I would come and get him so he wouldn't have to walk home...such a sad little message...

Dallas Stars

A couple of weeks ago, Noah and I were lucky enough to get to go to a Dallas Stars game. Neither of us had ever been to a professional hockey game before, but we got free tickets so why not? We got the tickets from Carter Blood Care, so a big shout out to them. It's actually kind of funny, I've been donating for a while now. I just do the normal whole blood donations each time. When I showed up at the will-call desk for the tickets (not just seats but all-you-can-eat food as well) they came in a card that said "Thanks for your platelet donation." Not sure if I was supposed to win the tickets after all, but oh well.

Noah and I have gone to a few Rangers games together, so he was excited to watch some hockey. I was excited too, because Noah is always a blast to have at sports games. He gets excited, he dances to the music, and yells just as much as I do.

The all you can eat food was only offered during the first two periods, and every time there was a break he was asking if he could go get some more food. The only problem was that the food was in one room on the complete other side of the stadium from our seats. It's okay, we burned off the calories circling the stadium.

The Stars got the win against the Avalanche in the end, and we had a great time. Noah's favorite part of the game was afterward when someone handed him one of those glowing stick-balloon things. He was so excited about it that he just beamed all the way home.

Rhymes With Very

Dad: Okay Noah, spelling homework. Tell me two words that rhyme with very...

Noah: Scary.

D: Good. One more.

N: Insert blank stare.

Mom: What is Dad? It rhymes with very...

N: Fat!

N: Old!

N: Thirty?

Dad: No. Rhymes with very. Something you'll be when you're older...

N: Angry.

N: Strawberry!

Dad: Close enough!

What's That?

Noah was digging around our bed when he came across Aubrey's old portable CD player.

"What's this?"

"Uh, it's like your MP3 player, only 5 times as big and it only holds 12 songs."

"That's dumb."