The Boy is Nine

Noah is getting old.

Hades

Tonight while we were out getting pictures taken, the kids found a dead bird in a gutter. The photographer was very worried that the kids would be all sad or something, but I knew better, they thought it was awesome and wanted to poke it in the eye with a stick. Noah turned to me and said, "I bet that bird is in the underworld now."

I said, "I think you've been reading too much Percy Jackson."

The Joys of Literacy Part 2

A few nights ago we caught Noah distributing the kids evening vitamins. Which was weird because they have a child proof cap on them...

He looked at us like we were total morons, "It said right here. Push. Then turn." The "DUH!" was clearly implied...

Huh. So I guess childproof caps are only designed to stop illiterate children. That seems like a design flaw to me...

Happy Birthday Noah!

More of the Same

Tess: Look! A new princess!

Noah: She's not a princess.

T: Yes she is!

N: No.

Mom turns around to see what we're bickering about now: Who?

M: Yes she is. That's Snow White. She's a princess.

T: See!

N: Yeah. An ugly princess.

Crushes

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent*

Earlier this week I overheard Noah and a girl from his class talking about another girl from his class, and they were talking about how Noah had a crush on her.

I brought it up with Noah at dinner, asking who the girl was. He told me that he had a crush on 'Jenny' from his class. We asked him, why do you have a crush on her? His answer? She's really mean. "Noah, do you know what a crush is?" "Uh, what's a crush?" "When you like a girl a lot and think you might fall in love with her." "Oh, then I don't have a crush on Jenny. I have a crush on 'Jessica.'" Aubrey then said, "Ooh, I know her, that's good. She's adorable."

Then, while we were circling the parking lot at WalMart earlier tonight, we drove past a Pontiac Solstice a couple of times. Noah shouted out, "Oh man, that car is HOT!" Tess asked, "What does that mean?" I said, "It means he thinks the car is stolen." "No Dad, it's hot, like when a girl is mean. You know, cruel? Crrruuueellll? You know, like when she has a fancy dress and a nice car?"

He's probably heard this song one too many times:

You can't make this stuff up.

Rubbing Off On Me

A few weeks ago, Noah and I had a little argument over whether Bumblebee was a Camaro or a Mustang. He was convinced that he was a Mustang. And when I pointed out a yellow Camaro, he responded that it was a Mustang, his teacher said so.

So for the past few weeks, I've made it a priority to point out any Mustangs and Camaros to the kid as we drive around. I've helped him and the other kids to see the differences between them, pointing out the difference between the horse and the bowtie, the 3 vertical bar taillights and the 4 upside-down trapezoid taillights. And lately, whenever I see one of the cars, I just ask the kids, "What car is that?"

Confusion still runs rampant. For Tess, ANY car with 4 taillights, including buses, trucks, and minivans, are Camaros. Still, I continue undaunted, looking for and pointing out Camaros and Mustangs whenever I notice them, and getting argued with by kids that disagree.

Last week we were loading the groceries at Walmart when right near us, a beautiful maroon 67 Camaro pulled in. I said to Noah, "Now THAT is a Mustang! I mean a Camaro." as Aubrey cracked up instantly.

Advice on How to Have a Happy Family

Tonight while driving home from T-Ball, Noah let me in on a few secrets:

1) I'm the meanest Dad ever.

2) I'm poor.

3) There's never any food to eat around here.

4) Things will get better around here once Mom kicks me out and gets a real job.

5) Mom is either going to kick me out, or be mad at me FOREVER.

6) Then she'll marry someone else. Maybe he'll have more money.

What prompted this advice? I didn't let him play at the playground after practice since he was grounded for mouthing off to his teacher at school.

Breaking My Heart

It rained most of the day today, and since we knew it was going to rain I told Noah I would pick him up instead of making him walk home. It was cold and windy and rainy and I was glad I was there to get him...I watched Andi and Dylan walk down the little path to the gate but still hadn't seen Noah when they got in the car. Andi told me Noah had started walking. Great, just great.

I dropped them off and headed home and saw Noah a few houses up from our street. As soon as he opened the door he said, "I know. I forgot."

When we got home there was a message on the answering machine that almost made me cry (dang pregnancy hormones). The poor kid called to see if I would come and get him so he wouldn't have to walk home...such a sad little message...